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So often times, either as a way to soften the blow or out of sincere feelings of warmth, we say, “But let’s stay friends.” From an intellectual level remaining friends may seem like a good idea. The ever present danger for these types of friendships is a backslide.

I like having her in my life, so we should stop being romantic and just keep the friend part.” If both individuals are emotionally mature, and completely lacking in romantic feelings for each other, then a jump straight to the friend zone might be possible. Mutual breakups are usually not mutual, and the breakee is holding on to some strong romantic desires.

She and her dude promptly turned their car around to make an emergency trip to her doctor — and my friend is now spending the final three months of her pregnancy on bed rest. On Tuesday, preparing to get the hell out of Dodge for a while, I started taking care of business: running a few urgent errands, tying up loose ends.

My buddy is one of the most upbeat little ladies I know, and she's handling the whole thing like a champ ... We laughed the whole way up, psychoanalyzed each other a little last night, and are getting ready to take a stroll on the beach. As I was going through my mental to-do list, it occurred to me there was a certain personal-life box I needed to check off: I wanted to become friends with the God-Believer.

In at least two notable cases, I became pretty good friends with the dudes in question. (For the record, I didn't tell that guy I wasn't attracted to him; I said I hadn't quite felt the necessary ineffable spark.) Really, fair game to him, I suppose: I understand how his pride might be a little tarnished.

(Both of them, oddly enough, are professors of philosophy. But maybe he could've handled it with a little more follow up with a nice email — but it didn't contain an invitation. I wondered if he thought I wasn't hot enough, or smart enough, or whatever — if he was picking up on some fatal flaw o' mine. I thought that if the God-Believer didn't like me, well then, I didn't like him either. In that way, I was being kind of like the Frozen-Foods Aisle Sprinter.

You may even subtly be pushing things in that direction. Your memories may haunt you, and make it difficult to find someone new.

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Now, I understand that some of you might be reading this article specifically because you are sleeping with a friend and you want it to become something more.This person knows that it is a bad idea, but controlling our emotions in this way takes a discipline that most folks can’t muster. “Would she really come over and cook me dinner if she didn’t love me and want to be with me? Keeping it all straight can be a full-time job, and a single misinterpretation could lead to the backslide. Hope springs eternal and you need to move on One of the worst things that can happen to your dating life is getting hung up on someone who doesn’t love you. Each new person that comes your way and expresses interest is swiftly blown off, because you are desperately hoping you can rekindle the flame with your ex.If you’ve ever been dumped, and agreed to “just be friends” you know deep down inside you still want to get back together. Each time you get together as friends you’re hoping and praying that you’ll end up in each other’s arms. It is very easy to get mixed signals in the midst of all this kindness, love, and support. In a situation where both people part ways and don’t see each other again this can be a problem.You can’t meet someone new because your old love is still in your life — hanging around being your pal and reminding you how great they are. Insist on a Substantial Cooling Off Period There is almost no way that a human being can go from being romantically attracted to someone to being just friends in a short period of time.Emotions aren’t switches that get flipped on and off.It also requires that you know yourself – some women can have a friends with benefits arrangement with a guy and have absolutely no problem with it… It’s a mixture of biology, personality, and psychology that will determine if you’re someone who can do it or not… I am not encouraging or advocating having a friends with benefits arrangement in your life or as a lifestyle. I’m simply answering your question and speaking to what friends with benefits rules will lead to the most successful results – those results being to get what you want without hurting anyone (including yourself) in the process. Really, the term “friends with benefits” is misleading because having a FWB arrangement is sleeping with a guy who’s your friend.