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When my older brother, my only sibling, died two years later, I was emotionally unmoored, adrift in the wreckage of lost love, lost lives, and my own shattered identity.You body goes through automatic changes in order to enable you to cope with the trauma.These responses happen automatically which means that it may feel out of your control, which may be scary if you don't know that it is normal. Some responses last for a short time and others for a longer time. Please don't push yourself to move faster than you already are going. Lack of power and control are two of the most devastating aspects of psychological trauma.In a cruel twist of fate, I got a taste of the other side when a doctor diagnosed his mother with cancer less than a year after I lost my dad.Being the shoulder is a lot harder than he made it look.There's not much you can say that will make things better, though you're tempted to try. He approached it from a more practical, scientific perspective., this gender difference is pretty typical.