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That way, in addition to your romantic disappointment when it didn't work out, you could be mad at your friend too.

And so it was that during the late pre-Internet era, shortly after I'd gotten divorced, a radio shrink I'd met (she authored "Making Love Work," and at last count is on her fifth marriage) thought a friend of hers and I might click.

For this article, I thought it would be fun to apply some Zen Buddhist principles to the art of becoming a peaceful date.

Same with the Buddhist equanimity practice, which instructs you to sit silently and say to yourself, over and over, a single phrase: "No matter how much I wish they were different, things are just the way they are." This is meant to engender a feeling of acceptance, and sometimes it works--or at least helps take the edge off what's bothering you. In ancient times, before God created, single people used to get fixed up by their friends.Rather, he was trying to make himself feel good, or happy--or, at least, to minimize his own pain or discomfort as much as possible. ME: I went to this dinner the other week where the host flat-out ignored me—he didn't even bother to get my name, or re-fill my drink glass—because he was so busy drooling over my admittedly gorgeous friend!Which is kind of a long way of saying: Don't take it personally. I don't think I've ever been that blatantly de-valued before.Dex, the main character in "The Tao of Steve," is an unlikely lothario, to put it mildly.He is a fat, 32-year-old part-time kindergarten teacher who shares a house in Santa Fe with three slacker roommates and a dog that lives to have whipped cream shot into his mouth from the can.The movie begins at Dex's college reunion, where he has sex with an old girlfriend in the library and then escorts her back to her handsome, well-dressed husband. " he calmly replies, "Well, now I'm fat Elvis." He orders a drink at the bar, and soon the bartender, a comely coed, falls under his glib spell.